As I was laying in my bed the other night, having just purchased my ticket to Haiti, the realization hit me that I am actually going. It's going to happen. All of a sudden my excitement was exchanged for worry and fear. My best friend, my protector, my husband, whom I rarely spend a night away from, will not be with me to share stories from the day, to make me feel safe in a new and unknown place where flexibility and change make their demands. The spiritual warfare that I had been told about and felt in Kenya could be even more intense in Haiti in the real feeling of experiencing spiritual darkness, nightmares, and sickness. I recalled all the things that had been told to me about where things could go wrong. That we may have our medicine confiscated in customs, there may be chaos every day with seeing countless patients, we may see demon possession, we may have parents attempting to leave their children with us, babies handed up at the end of the day just so they can get help. I've never done a medical mission trip and what if I didn't know what I was doing and was a burden on the team? I felt overwhelmed, burdened, afraid, inadequate.
But then I had to speak God's word to myself and to my heart. And over the past 3 days, God has not left me to worry, but has given me encouragement in His word and the knowledge that He will be with me. He is trustworthy, He cares for me and how I am feeling. He will sustain me in the midst of this intense week in Haiti, and He is my helper, holding my life in his hands. What do I have to fear? This is only an ever reminder to me that I need to speak to my Heavenly Father moment by moment and that I need your prayers for God's protection and strength as I go on this adventure He's called me to in Haiti. That I'd remember His word in these Psalms:
"When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?"
"Cast your burden on the Lord,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved."
"Behold, God is my helper;
the Lord is the upholder of my life."
Thank you King Jesus, that you are on the throne, in control. Thank you, Heavenly Father for your caring and encouraging Words your Spirit speaks to my heart, to comfort my fears. Amen.